Where were you?

Ten years ago today, I was in my living room at 4117 School Lane, with Good Morning America on TV, windows wide open taking in the gorgeous Sept morning that lay ahead of me (pregnant at the time with Joseph)  & Zachary who was then 15 months old.  As soon as they broadcast the first hit a knot settled in my stomach. Initially the talk was of an accident but I feared the worst.  Soon enough that fear was confirmed as the second tower was hit right there while I was watching the news.  First person I called/talked to was my Grandmom Erma.  I also remember how frustrating it was to not be able to reach Dennis since he was at work or my mother because she was taking a family friend to the doctors.  There’s just something about being able to connect with loved ones when faced with tragedy that makes it so much more bearable.  There was that horrible feeling of not knowing what was going to happen next, who might be attached next, where to go… Instinct sent me to pick up Chelsea at school- this is of course before they had official emergency plans laid out.  I just needed all my loved ones close.  My neighbor even came to my door that day which was unheard of until then.  The feeling of wanting to connect with people still stands out so clear to me.
The days & weeks following were some pretty dark, scary times.  I had never thought or feared war at all but suddenly that’s all I could think about.  When air travel picked up again the sound of a plane overhead sent heads turning upwards fearful of what destruction it might bring.  That November we drove to Disney World.  Everyone was still feeling the effects from 9/11 and it was evident in the lack of crowds.  Never have I experienced the American Pavilion in Epcot in such an emotional way.  Other really powerful feelings from that trip came from viewing Epcot’s IllumiNations show.  Sept 11th left me with a distaste for loud & explosive things & that has both those things.  I also stopped enjoying any kind of movies with violence… there was just enough of it already in this world without making it up.  And then we moved into the anthrax scare… don’t even get me started on that.  Let’s just say I spent a good amount of money on my Emergency Supply Kit (which included a healthy dose of chocolate candy bars in addition to my duct tape & plastic), downloaded the entire Emergency Preparations manual and seriously considered buying the family gas masks.  

Clearly, I had let myself be terrorized. There was so much to lose… I was so afraid.  Looking back on these past ten years I now see that ironically I lost many of those “things” anyway though not to an act of terrorism.  People have passed, relationships have crumbled, life goes on…  It never ceases to amaze me how we as humans can go on in the face of tragedy and loss. That day changed who I was for sure and so much has happened in my life since.  It is humbling to think what might be in store these next ten years…

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